Do you ever REALLY know what you want?
So lets think about this for a second or two. Do we honestly ever know what we really want in life? I think perhaps there are some aspects that we figure out at some point, but there are so many that are unsure and may always be that way.
For instance, one of the first things you'll ever have to decide is what you want to do with your life, careerwise. Some people don't really figure it out, or they think they have and then hate what they went to school for. The others usually end up as job hoppers or in dead-end jobs...hmm, sounds like me? Well, I'm not really a "job hopper" per se, I've only had two real jobs thus far. We have Wendy's where I stuck it out for over a year and was promoted twice (almost three times) and now I'm stuck at SuperPet. Oh joy! At Wendy's I just got SO frustrated with everything, with the DM, with the GM, the way things were being run, how I worked so hard to set things straight but nobody else gave a flying fuck so it was all futile! Yes, it was stressful, sometimes depressing, sometimes I wanted to shoot people, or perhaps even myself, but in a way I loved it. I loved the people most of all, they were like my extended family (some of them). I always said I could never leave there, and I haven't really. I go in there all the time. You could say that's my boyfriend's fault (he still works there) but I think I would visit there anyways to be honest. And now I'm stuck at SuperPet. Slow paced job, boring as hell, things aren't run any better than at Wendy's and once again I'm doing ALL the fucking work and not getting paid for it. At least this time I have someone else reliable in the department who works hard with me, but the team leader, O M F G! I would be so happy if she either quit, got fired, or by some miracle, actually did her god damn job! But you find this in EVERY work place, regardless. I just don't understand how people get away with it. I never favoured people at Wendy's to the point where I would let them do nothing while others picked up their slack, not even with my boyfriend!
Back to the point though. Right now I hate my current job so much I wish I was working at Wendy's again. In fact, a few months ago I was talking to two of the managers there, and according to the GM, they'd take me back! Whoopity-doo! I'd LOVE to go back now, and I could have, but I love my boyfriend and he's up for promotion so I couldn't take his position from him.
Now, I THINK I know what I want to do, finally. I'd like to work in an office setting, but then again, I think I'd be quite bored, lol. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I thought that psychology would be interesting since I'm a pretty screwed up person, it might be "fun" to help people out with their problems. But alas, I'm stuck in a position where I can't go to school for that program, or any program for that matter.
Aside from your job, there are other important aspects of life. Two years ago I had my future all laid out, as well as plan B's to spare. I had assumed, from the way that my life was going, that I wouldn't really find anyone to be with for the majority of my life, if not all of it, so had the opinion that I would never get married. And that I didn't want to for that matter. Secondly, absolutely without a doubt hate kids and refused to EVER have one! After only a few months of going out with my boyfriend I felt like I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I know, hard to believe, but sometimes you just have these feelings. One of my plan B's if I ever was to find a person I would want to be with "forever" that I still wouldn't get married. (I could easily blame that on my parents and their failed marriage...but I blame enough of my quirks on them). At the end of August we went on a trip with work to Canada's Wonderland and we were standing in line for The Italian Job ride and I was feeling kind of down...well my boyfriend says, completely out of the blue, "I want to marry you some day!". Now can you imagine THAT coming out of the mouth of a 17 year old? Like my GOD! No way. Of course a very large smile came across my face because I felt the same way and was even thinking of such things. And just for interests sake, this was of course after we had shared our "I love you's" weeks before.
Lately I've been thinking about the future, and my future with Alex and that perhaps I would like to have children someday. At this point it's an undecided thing. You have to look at it this way, a child is not a rabbit, you can't just have one and then lose interest after a few weeks, it's a life time committment. Therefore, I need to put a lot of thought into it. But the more I think about it, the more I would love to have one. I mean right now, my parrots are my "children" and I've always considered them that. They need just as much attention, love and care as any human child since at least two out of the three I have will be two year olds for the rest of their lives, and the third is like a five year old. This of course won't happen until Alex and I are very settled and financially stable (and hopefully he has a much higher paying job), in our own house, and we both feel that we want children. Since Alex and I are always so on the same page, I do believe that his views on children will change as he ages. I mean, I'm 20, now many say that isn't old, but I certainly feel as if it is, I mean really that's 1/4 of your life gone, if you're lucky for it to be that much even. At the moment when things seem to get TOO real (he thinks I'm pressuring him sometimes even though I'm just talking) he plays his "I'm only 18, I'm too young right now, give me a couple of years" card. Which can be annoying, but I completely understand where he's coming from. Right now though, I still feel as if I'm an 18 year old and that I should still be in high school. All of that went by so quickly. But I've changed SO much in the past two years from that 18 year old shy, insecure, silent girl. I'm now a lot more outgoing and boisterous, still some insecurities of course, but those are overcome with time and I'm working on them.
The point that all this rambling is supposed to get to is that we don't ever really know what we want out of life, not exactly. Things change, new people enter your life, things happen, and sometimes opportunities present themselves. Sometimes you win the lottery! lol. We make mistakes and decisions that we regret, but we have to live with them and hope for the best. The problem with me I think, is that I'm too indecisive, and so completely unsure of myself. I certainly know what I don't want, even when opportunities seem to present themselves. I know one thing though, I don't want to job hop, I want to stick it out at my current job (even though it depresses me to no end) until I find what I really want. I have to follow my gut! I didn't like it at SuperPet in the first few weeks, and I was still working part time at Wendy's (ick, two jobs is NOT fun) so I could have quit working at SuperPet and stuck with Wendy's for some time, I would have been happier than I am now, and if I wanted to I could have gone up to management again, I think, according to my impression, that Trish would have welcomed it
with open arms.
OK, I didn't really get the point I wanted to get across because I'm a babbling idiot and I lose track of what the hell I'm saying, lol. But to end things, here is a pic of Alex and I for those interested! :D
For instance, one of the first things you'll ever have to decide is what you want to do with your life, careerwise. Some people don't really figure it out, or they think they have and then hate what they went to school for. The others usually end up as job hoppers or in dead-end jobs...hmm, sounds like me? Well, I'm not really a "job hopper" per se, I've only had two real jobs thus far. We have Wendy's where I stuck it out for over a year and was promoted twice (almost three times) and now I'm stuck at SuperPet. Oh joy! At Wendy's I just got SO frustrated with everything, with the DM, with the GM, the way things were being run, how I worked so hard to set things straight but nobody else gave a flying fuck so it was all futile! Yes, it was stressful, sometimes depressing, sometimes I wanted to shoot people, or perhaps even myself, but in a way I loved it. I loved the people most of all, they were like my extended family (some of them). I always said I could never leave there, and I haven't really. I go in there all the time. You could say that's my boyfriend's fault (he still works there) but I think I would visit there anyways to be honest. And now I'm stuck at SuperPet. Slow paced job, boring as hell, things aren't run any better than at Wendy's and once again I'm doing ALL the fucking work and not getting paid for it. At least this time I have someone else reliable in the department who works hard with me, but the team leader, O M F G! I would be so happy if she either quit, got fired, or by some miracle, actually did her god damn job! But you find this in EVERY work place, regardless. I just don't understand how people get away with it. I never favoured people at Wendy's to the point where I would let them do nothing while others picked up their slack, not even with my boyfriend!
Back to the point though. Right now I hate my current job so much I wish I was working at Wendy's again. In fact, a few months ago I was talking to two of the managers there, and according to the GM, they'd take me back! Whoopity-doo! I'd LOVE to go back now, and I could have, but I love my boyfriend and he's up for promotion so I couldn't take his position from him.
Now, I THINK I know what I want to do, finally. I'd like to work in an office setting, but then again, I think I'd be quite bored, lol. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I thought that psychology would be interesting since I'm a pretty screwed up person, it might be "fun" to help people out with their problems. But alas, I'm stuck in a position where I can't go to school for that program, or any program for that matter.
Aside from your job, there are other important aspects of life. Two years ago I had my future all laid out, as well as plan B's to spare. I had assumed, from the way that my life was going, that I wouldn't really find anyone to be with for the majority of my life, if not all of it, so had the opinion that I would never get married. And that I didn't want to for that matter. Secondly, absolutely without a doubt hate kids and refused to EVER have one! After only a few months of going out with my boyfriend I felt like I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I know, hard to believe, but sometimes you just have these feelings. One of my plan B's if I ever was to find a person I would want to be with "forever" that I still wouldn't get married. (I could easily blame that on my parents and their failed marriage...but I blame enough of my quirks on them). At the end of August we went on a trip with work to Canada's Wonderland and we were standing in line for The Italian Job ride and I was feeling kind of down...well my boyfriend says, completely out of the blue, "I want to marry you some day!". Now can you imagine THAT coming out of the mouth of a 17 year old? Like my GOD! No way. Of course a very large smile came across my face because I felt the same way and was even thinking of such things. And just for interests sake, this was of course after we had shared our "I love you's" weeks before.
Lately I've been thinking about the future, and my future with Alex and that perhaps I would like to have children someday. At this point it's an undecided thing. You have to look at it this way, a child is not a rabbit, you can't just have one and then lose interest after a few weeks, it's a life time committment. Therefore, I need to put a lot of thought into it. But the more I think about it, the more I would love to have one. I mean right now, my parrots are my "children" and I've always considered them that. They need just as much attention, love and care as any human child since at least two out of the three I have will be two year olds for the rest of their lives, and the third is like a five year old. This of course won't happen until Alex and I are very settled and financially stable (and hopefully he has a much higher paying job), in our own house, and we both feel that we want children. Since Alex and I are always so on the same page, I do believe that his views on children will change as he ages. I mean, I'm 20, now many say that isn't old, but I certainly feel as if it is, I mean really that's 1/4 of your life gone, if you're lucky for it to be that much even. At the moment when things seem to get TOO real (he thinks I'm pressuring him sometimes even though I'm just talking) he plays his "I'm only 18, I'm too young right now, give me a couple of years" card. Which can be annoying, but I completely understand where he's coming from. Right now though, I still feel as if I'm an 18 year old and that I should still be in high school. All of that went by so quickly. But I've changed SO much in the past two years from that 18 year old shy, insecure, silent girl. I'm now a lot more outgoing and boisterous, still some insecurities of course, but those are overcome with time and I'm working on them.
The point that all this rambling is supposed to get to is that we don't ever really know what we want out of life, not exactly. Things change, new people enter your life, things happen, and sometimes opportunities present themselves. Sometimes you win the lottery! lol. We make mistakes and decisions that we regret, but we have to live with them and hope for the best. The problem with me I think, is that I'm too indecisive, and so completely unsure of myself. I certainly know what I don't want, even when opportunities seem to present themselves. I know one thing though, I don't want to job hop, I want to stick it out at my current job (even though it depresses me to no end) until I find what I really want. I have to follow my gut! I didn't like it at SuperPet in the first few weeks, and I was still working part time at Wendy's (ick, two jobs is NOT fun) so I could have quit working at SuperPet and stuck with Wendy's for some time, I would have been happier than I am now, and if I wanted to I could have gone up to management again, I think, according to my impression, that Trish would have welcomed it
with open arms.OK, I didn't really get the point I wanted to get across because I'm a babbling idiot and I lose track of what the hell I'm saying, lol. But to end things, here is a pic of Alex and I for those interested! :D
posted by Sarah Haid at
9:37:00 p.m.
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